04 Mar 9 Signs You are Headed Toward a Break-Up/Divorce
1. You’re afraid of being alone, so you hang on to what you can get… even if it means you’re totally unhappy. Here’s the deal… instead of really working on cleaning up your relationship and being better partners for one another, all your energy gets misdirected. You begin focusing all your energy on holding on to this person, which usually shows up as the ever-so-attractive jealousy and co-dependence. What if you focused your energy on creating the relationship you really want versus suffocating that person with your accusations and jealousy?
2. You’re losing who you are. So often, people find themselves in situations where they wake up one day and go, “Holy, shit! How the hell did I end up here?”. Maybe you woke up 50 pounds overweight or realize you’ve been in a job you’ve hated for ten years. The same shit happens in relationships. You wake up one day and realize you are a shell of who you used to be. Over time, you can slowly give into what someone else wants you to be instead of who YOU want you to be. This relationship isn’t making you a better person, giving you power, or nurturing your individuality.
#3 When you pull into your garage and see your partner’s car, you’re disappointed.
3. When you pull into your garage and see your partner’s car, you’re disappointed. Listen, if you don’t even want to be near your spouse, something has to change. Either you buckle down and fix this shit or you move on. This whole in-between thing is bullshit.
4. You lie to each other constantly. Or simply keep shit from one another. Do I really need to explain this one? Riiiiight. How’s that working out?
5. You have a nagging feeling deep inside telling you something isn’t right. And you keep ignoring it. And rationalizing why you should stay. Allow me to introduce you to your intuition. Your intuition is like the little angel sitting on your shoulder… the one that you usually ignore and run off with the devil on the other side. Listen to that angel’s voice. It’s actually rooting for your happiness. You intuition is your physical response telling you that something is not right… kinda like when you eat something that doesn’t sit right with you, your body promptly throws it up. You don’t keep eating that food until you can stomach it, right? You listen to what your body is telling you. What is your body/intuition telling you about this relationship?
6. Everything is hard. Talking is hard. Dating is hard. Communicating is hard. Nothing comes easy. It’s easier to avoid each other at all costs than deal with the drama. Dude. What the fuck?
#7 You have a death grip on blame.
7. You’re unwilling to let go of the past. Or forgive. You have hurt one another and you simply cannot move past the blame. You aren’t really willing to forgive, and you sure as hell aren’t going to forget. In fact, you would rather continue to make your partner pay for their sins… over and over and over again. How exactly do you expect to move on from this if you’ve got a death grip on blame of resentment?
8.You seek attention elsewhere. Needs aren’t getting met. What are they? And how long can you go without having them being met? And most importantly, have you really, truly given your partner the opportunity to meet your needs?
9. Instead of addressing your issues, you and your partner avoid confrontation. You sweep everything under the rug. You write things off as not that serious. The typical situation in these relationships are catastrophic blow-outs where either one or both partners says shit so damaging, it’s really hard to come back from. Don’t brush anything under the rug. If you want something changed, man up and fucking ADDRESS IT.
There you have it… a few signs that shit is NOT WORKING the way it is now. You have a few choices here: You either get down to business and start REALLY working on this union OR you move on. As I mentioned before, this in-between shit can seriously kill you.
I am a firm believer that one of the worst emotions we can experience as humans is that of regret. So here is my advice to you: If you choose to walk away from this relationship, will you be 100% at peace with how you have shown up? Can you walk away knowing you did everything in your power to cultivate this relationship and be the best partner you can be? If you can’t say yes, you may have some regret in your future if you don’t man up. If your partner would be surprised by anything you’re reading here, then you sure as hell haven’t done enough. If you are going to walk away, know without a shadow of a doubt that you will have no regrets.
I guess there is a third option: continue this bullshit you’ve been doing. How’s that working out?