01 Jan Why “Going with the Flow” Isn’t for Me
So, I don’t roll with the punches. I’m not super “easy-going” and not up for “whatever”. I certainly don’t go with the mother-fucking flow.
I love order, structure, and planning. And, you want to know why I don’t LOVE to roll with the punches?
Because it’s Just. Not. Me.
And, I grew mighty sick of apologizing for who I am a loooong time ago.
Now, this little badass stance I’ve adopted certainly hasn’t always been the case. I used to feel that if there was some sort of trait I (or society) deemed attractive or desired… I must somehow fit this square peg into all those round holes. So, in honor of square pegs everywhere who may think the only road to acceptance (and therefore, happiness) must mean round contortions, here is a lovely list of things I refuse to apologize for… or over-explain, for that matter. Ever again.
I will no longer apologize because:
- I’m high-maintenance, love all things girly, + take a hot minute to get ready
- I’m not that into music [gasp!!]
- I absolutely hate spontaneity + most outdoor activities
- I don’t censor my thoughts or feelings
- I have a fucking sailor mouth
- I love order, control, + stability
- I have no desire or interest in being a mother
- I’m not a fan of “traditional women’s roles” + don’t cook + hire someone to clean
- And, I’m a life coach who actually watches Keeping up with the Kardashians. I know.
Whew! So, that felt good to get out. So, how ’bout you? Are there components to who you are, that you constantly feel the need to apologize for… or possibly OVER-EXPLAIN? Things that your fam doesn’t get? Your spouse doesn’t get? Perhaps things you’ve made up in your mind just aren’t okay to embody?
A slight caveat here… I soooo believe in apologizing. But, ONLY if you’ve made a mess. If you fucked up. But, here’s the thing… we don’t ONLY apologize when we’ve made a mess. We apologize for WHO. WE. ARE. Our choices. Our stances. Our decisions. And, one of the biggest ways this plays out in our lives is by over-explaining. Feeling as though we owe people some sort of rationale, explanation, or reason why we feel a certain way. Or, why we ARE a certain way.
Allow me to tell you a story. I’m 35. I married my soul-mate when I was 20. We’ve been blissfully married for 15 years, together for 17. From day one, everyone in our orbit asked us when we were going to have children. In my snide, acerbic manner, I loved to retort, “Oh… no, we really don’t like children.” (I’ve always been a smart-ass, just not always an enlightened smartass). Although, I felt comfortable and certain with our choice, I did feel a never-ending pull to explain our position to everyone we encountered. Elaborately.
It wasn’t until years later, and much personal growth work and introspection, that I came to the realization that I didn’t owe anyone ANY explanation. And, not just for that choice. For anything.
So, I turn this to you. What would shift if you actually didn’t feel the need to apologize or over-explain your choices, thoughts, characteristics, or affinities? What would change if you just didn’t ever entertain the “explanation”? If you could actually bullet point the things that make you, YOU, which you will no longer apologize for, what would they be?
And, most importantly, what will you actually DO differently? Not just reading a lovely article about taking a stand for yourself and then doing jack-shit with it. I’m serious. Write out a list. A list of all the things you will no longer apologize for or over-explain. And, actually IMPLEMENT it. Set boundaries. Walk away or excuse yourself from conversations. Hang up the phone. Whatever.
Let’s be honest. No one is going to offer you a free pass to actually be yourself. Unless you do. Your move, Ace.